First, to followers of Drews’s Foundation, I offer my apologies for my lack of posts and lack of information on the website for the past 7-8 months.
A year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I spent the better part of 2016 being treated and recovering from, not only the cancer, but the treatment. Fortunately, I did not have to do chemotherapy but I did 3 months of radiation treatment and it is not kind. I spent many days during treatment and post treatment wondering if the results and the side effects were worth it. There were times when i felt I couldn’t stand it any more, when I wanted to quit and give up.
I was away from my family, I was sick, I was depressed, I was scared, and at many times I thought that I was a burden to those that love me. I consider myself a strong person but I was ready to give up at times. At some point I said to myself, “This is what you talk about and preach to young people all the time. How can you give up?”
In that moment it became clear to me how suicide can become an option. I had people that loved me, I had a good and successful life. i had good Doctors and medical care, I had things to look forward to. I also had the physical pain of cancer and treatment, the pain of loss, the pain of depression and all the other problems that come with depression. It was a tug of war and I stretched both directions for too long.
Ultimately, the love of my family and my love for my family were the reasons I needed to just keep going, to not give up. I get stronger every day and the little joys I had trouble finding a few months ago are more frequent. The smiles on my daughters faces, joking with my son, kind words from my wife, laughter with friends-THESE ARE THINGS WORTH LIVING FOR. Life is not always great but it can always get better. More now than ever I believe in never giving up.
As a family we still miss Drew every day. Some days I feel like it was yesterday when we lost him and the emotion floods to the top and runs its course. I look at one of the pictures hanging on the wall, with his beautiful smile and I wish he were still here. I wish that he had thought about how much we loved him. I wish things were different, but of course they will never be the same.
There is great redemption in love, in giving it and in receiving it. Be kind and thoughtful. Speak good words to people. Accept love in whatever form you can find it and never ever give up.